Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We left the knife in your bed.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
