If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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