The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
