He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
