Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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