I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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