i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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