At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
