hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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