so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
