Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
