He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
