i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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