Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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