So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
