You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
