I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
