Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Randomize
