He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
