Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
