my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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