I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
