Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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