These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
