hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
