I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
