Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Randomize
