I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
