I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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