Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
