she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
