the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
