It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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