I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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