He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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