Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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