If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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