my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
