The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Duck Duck Cougar?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm always down for nudity.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
