I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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