my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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