Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
