You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
