dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
