you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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