Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
