I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize