Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
