What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
All I want is dick and wine.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
