I haven't been this sober since birth.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
