Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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