I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
