I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
