i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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