The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
