that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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