how can u be prego again
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
