You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At least make sure they are 18
Why
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
