At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
