So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
