seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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